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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27585542">Sam, you okay?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/HP_of_the_North/pseuds/HP_of_the_North'>HP_of_the_North</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Because I love Sam Winchester. [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Adam is mentioned as being tortured, Autopsies, Be careful going through the story, Body Horror, Broken Bones, Bugs &amp; Insects, Buried Alive, Cage Trauma, Caring John Winchester, Gen, Hallucinating Sam Winchester, I'm serious. Lucifer isn't nice...like at all, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, It's not explicit but I'd rather you be warned just in case, M/M, Panic Attacks, Possessive Behavior, Possessive Lucifer (Supernatural), Possessive Sex, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective John Winchester, Psychological Trauma, Sam &amp; his trauma, TRIGGER WARNING: Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Torture, Whipping</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 22:43:17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,739</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27585542</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/HP_of_the_North/pseuds/HP_of_the_North</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>One question. That was all it took for Sam to spiral down the rabbit hole of his darkest memories. Meanwhile John is forced to watch as his son, his youngest boy, his baby crumbles to ash right before his eyes. He wonders if this's what hell feels like....</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>John Winchester &amp; Sam Winchester, Lucifer/Sam Winchester (implied)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Because I love Sam Winchester. [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2016221</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>66</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Sam, you okay?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He flinches when his dad pulls out the chair across from him, it screeches across the tiles and grates heavily on his ears. For a moment, it's not the legs screeching against the aged floor. It's Lucifer's nails trailing along the bottom of his cage. He could never forget it. For a horrible moment, he swears he can smell the bitter rust of blood as Lucifer's nails break apart. He remembered how each piece chipped away. He could remember every clink of shattered keratin. </p><p>"Sam." John called, his eyebrows furrowed as Sam blinks turning back to him. He seemed as if he was lost in some other dimension for a moment. "You okay?" even as the question slipped past his lips he knew he wasn't going to get an answer. He was too much like him in that way. </p><p>"Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry about that. Did you say something?" </p><p>"No, you're not. What's going on? Why are you so frightened?" he asked. </p><p>Sam swallowed his saliva nervously. He wanted to tell him, he was so tired of bottling everything up inside him. So tired of never admitting to anyone what Lucifer did… What he made him do… He was so tired. His tears were gone and his throat ached. The urge to scream and break down becoming almost unbearable. </p><p>Was he ready though? To finally let everything go? He flicked his eyes down to the table where Cas and Jack had scratched their names into not so long ago. His ears rang as his screams broke through his carefully constructed wall. The haunting knife slipped under his soft skin, teasing his nerves before it hooked itself beneath and tore. He could remember the spray of blood that billowed up from the gushing fountain. He could hear the soft ping of it slamming off his dusty floor. Echoing around him so Lucifer could hear them and watch with his special brand of utter sadism as he died screaming with the chorus of his own blood accompanying him. </p><p>'<em>Of all the money that 'ere I had, I spent it in good company.</em>'</p><p>Adam's soft pleas come next. He remembers how Lucifer made him watch as he bent him over that filthy table he'd liked so much. He remembered the cold as he pulled his make-shift pants down and he remembered the pain. </p><p>"<b>This's all your fault Sammy. You threw us in here. You happy now champ? That I'm going to show your little brother how you're mine in every single way? Every last thing that I'm going to do to you. Is. All. Your. Fault.</b>" </p><p>'<em>Of all the harm that 'ere I done. Alas it was to none but me.</em>" </p><p>"Sam?" his father's voice is distant as the scenes unravel before his eyes. He wonders if he looks dead yet. Adam had said that he always had this look in his eyes once Lucifer was done playing with him. "Sam, you okay?" </p><p>His head aches as his icicle fingers find themselves interlaced in his hair and he wrench his head back. He can hear the crack of his skull as it banged against the gurney. His pleas claw their way through. </p><p>"<b>Don't do this. Let me go. Please, I'll do anything you want. Luci, please, please… I… I'll even clean you off.</b>" </p><p>"<b>Aw, but Sam. I'm not in the right mood for that today. I need something to get it flowing if you know what I mean. And you're just the right person to try this new method on!</b>" </p><p>'<em>And all I've done. For want of wit. To memory now I can't recall.</em>'</p><p>His hand's in his throat again, rooting around inside of it. The jagged ice locks on his vocal cords and he feels as he tears them all out. Inch by inch and as slowly as he dared do it. He hadn't noticed that he had turned to the side. Heaving up imaginary drags of blood. His dad was by his side in an instant. His eyes wide as he hastily rubs his back. John looked around desperately but he's the only one here. Him and Sam. </p><p>"Sam. Sammy. Listen to me. You're okay. Look at me." he said. Holding onto his face and turning his vacant eyes to his. His heart was thumping. "It's dad. It's just us. Not… Not Lucifer. Okay? It's just us." </p><p>'<em>So, fill to me the parting glass. Goodnight and joy be with you all.</em>' </p><p>He can smell his blood as the phantom knife saws into his chest. Can feel his silent screams vibrate against his ruined throat as Lucifer smashes his fragile rips apart. He shuffles his hand around inside. Prodding at organs playfully. Even fingering his lungs before he crushes them in his shattered ribs. Sam gives off a dry retch of a gasp as if he's suffocating but he was, wasn't he? Except it's slower now. And he can feel the life leaving him as his lungs and heart furiously fight against the jagged cold. </p><p>"<b>That's right Sammy. Just go to sleep. I'll wake you up when I need filling. And you know, I'm being extremely nice to you all things considered. So you know what you can do when you get up? You can get on your knees and thank me for my mercy. You hear me? I'm going to shove my dick down your throat and you're going to thank me for it.</b>"</p><p>"Sam! Sam! Sammy! It's just us! He's not here!" </p><p>'<em>Of all the comrades that 'ere I had. Are sorry for my going away.</em>"</p><p>"<b>SAM!</b>" he screeched jumping up and holding onto his ankle. Ready to wrangle him back inside. "<b>How fucking dare you! I'm going to make you suffer for this! You hear me!? I'm going to tear you to pieces when I get my hands on you again!</b>"</p><p>John held onto his crying son. His heart breaking as he couldn't seem to stop his tears from falling. What the fuck happened? Where the fuck is this cunt who did this to his baby? When the fuck could  he rip the sorry bastard apart? He cradled his head and kissed it repeatedly. Urging his own panic down. Sam needed him. </p><p>'<em>And of all the sweethearts that 'ere I had. Would wish me one more day to stay.</em>' </p><p>"<b>Let me out!</b>" his shouts are out of tune from the muted thumps on his metal casket that Lucifer had buried in the graveyard. And the singing of the parting glass above him. His favorite song. "<b>Let me out! Let me out! Please! Luci… I...I'm so-suh-sorry. I won't go to Michael again. Let me out! PLEASE!</b>" </p><p>The horrid scuttling of beetles ghosted along his forearm. Teeth tore into his eyes and he felt everything. From when they burrowed into his eyes through his pupil to the scratching after as they took their time enjoying their feasts. His obnoxious singing stopped for a moment. </p><p>"<b>You never should've tried to leave me Sam. Enjoy getting eaten alive.</b>" </p><p>"<b>No! No! Come back!</b>" </p><p>"I'm here." he whispered, stroking the back off his silent son's head. "I'm here. I'm not going to leave you. I'm never leaving you again." </p><p>'<em>And so it falls onto my lot. That I should rise and you should not.</em>' </p><p>A wheel whistles through the poisoned air. Sending out torrents of noxious winds. That rob him of his oxygen. </p><p>"<b>Victim's choice Sammy. What's it gonna be today? Being boiled in lava? Or, a personal favorite of mine, letting larvae use you as an incubator? You look so handsome with all those maggots crawling out of your ears and eyes. Damn. I'm getting hard just thinking about it. But. Like I said. Your lot here bunk buddy.</b>"</p><p>Sam shivered and choked as the parasites wriggled around under his skin. Burrowing deeper and deeper into him. The most he had was 1,273. And he felt every single one of them hatch and then tear their way out from the inside. </p><p>"Shush. It's okay. I've got you." he mumbled, brushing his beard along his forehead. Sam clung to him. Mumbling apologies over and over again. Begging 'Lucifer' to stop. He's faced the worst of the worst and faced the most impossible odds. But this? This might just be the thing that breaks him. "I got you. I'm here." </p><p>'<em>And so I'll gently rise and I'll softly call. Goodnight and joy be with you all.</em>'</p><p>"<b>You stupid, worthless boy. Oh, do you have any idea about what I'm gonna do with you?</b>''</p><p>The sound of the chains lashed through the air. The whip seared through his skin like a knife would to warm butter and lashed off his bones. Snapping them in two. Sam could hear as he crumbled, sobbing softly as the whip's brought down whistling through the air slamming off his bones. His back arched. He remembered that. He remembered the seas of red that slid down his pale skin. And slowly leaked out against the ancient stone. Painting it a violent and bloody image. </p><p>"Sam!" he looked at his father. His face giving way from Lucifer's face to his. Sam choked on relief. He softly touched his face. Letting his fingers siphon his comforting safety. His dad smiled softly. "It's me. I'm right here. I've got you. Wanna tell me what the hell that was about?" </p><p>And so he talked. For what felt like hours but it was shorter than that. His dad listened and by the time he was finished he was looking murderous. </p><p>"That piece of shit. He's lucky he's dead or I would've ripped his heart out myself and made him eat it. You know that none of that was your fault, right? You know that you didn't deserve what happened to you." he mumbled. </p><p>"Yeah. I'm… I'm scared dad. He's everywhere. In my head, in my dreams. In my nightmares in the way I react to things. I'm so, so scared. And I don't know what to do." he admitted. Holding onto his shoulders as if his dad was the only thing keeping him standing. </p><p>"I know you are. You're gonna be okay. Because we're gonna figure this out. All of us. As a family." he said. Patting the side of his face gently "You don't have to be scared anymore." </p><p>"Thank you." he said, after, to John, an eternity of silence. Where he just placed his head on his shoulder. </p><p>"For what?" </p><p>"For asking."</p>
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